20100824

"BIG MISTAKE TO CORRECT A BIG WRONG DECISION"

一個國家,一個首都,一個為紀念其國父而建的公園。一個世紀前,在此他為理想身死於異國人之手,而他的像永立,看顧著他的土地與人民。一個世紀過去,昨天他見證了他的人民,為自身清譽,葬送了八個異國人的性命,究竟是何感觸?

從那廝島國到這廝小島來是十萬她的思鄉女兒,抱著異地人的女兒看見自己的兒女,刷著光亮冰冷雲石地如踏著青草泥香,迷失於高樓大街聲色情感之間,嘈吵狹隘得寂寞而瘋狂在腦海裏獨自起舞。

這舞者,不能愛這地,她沒有名字,她是姐姐。這地兒永遠錐痛她的神經,是委屈。家務勤炊事忙,曾經拋起四方帽的右手,現在執的是鑊鏟掃帚。拭著淚,想起家裏那個人,不知他可好。他雖然有點慵懶,但家裏天災連連,工作沒關係又不好找也怪不得他。不要緊,五年,讓我儲夠了錢就回家,開家小店,讓孩子上好一點的學校去,讓他們知道善惡,我們的寄望都托於下一代。現在的總統不是已經落力肅貪倡廉了嗎,孩子長大時社會會好起來的,會更公平的,將來他們靠的不再是關係而是靠知識力爭上游,一切是值得的。其實,你會不會已經變了心... 」

「康泰一個菲律賓四日團昨日在馬尼拉國父黎剎紀念公園展開最後一日行程,原定昨晚返港。槍手門多薩( Rolando Mendoza)早前被警隊革職,與上級爭取不果,遂持 M-16自動步槍脅持人質要求復職...

20100816

protest superficially


protest is about making statements, i myself is the life-long protest reacting to the society im living in. the way i think is represented in the way i act, dress, eat, love... what i embrace tells what i against, that is protest. the notion is always there that i haven't paid much attention to until recently.

the persuit of beauty, the beauty of the tangable world, like a nice sunset, the blooming of a nameless tiny flower or a lover's kiss are still enchanting to me yet a question is asked all along: what beauty is? "beauty is in everything." for example in people, the faces of my own race are the most intriging, their complexity, the emotions and textures are what beauty exudes rather then the material nature of beautiful faces because beautiful faces expire, true beauty doesnt.

in this decade people are more body-conscious than ever, not only women are dying to shape up but men do too. the teen model phenomenon shows the shifting of value of sexuality and sensuality and we're all sucked into this vortex of sexy/beautifful=value.


it might not be a conscious act for what im projecting with my look at first, it turns out that im willing to put anything on, even the most feminine clothes but avoid to look too feminine, dont wanna fit in to the sterotype of what a "girl" should look, like wearing long hair and having makeup on my face. these are all sex appeal oriented, when a person looks better s/he is more easily to be liked, and hopefully, to be loved, in between, to get laid, in the end, get married or get parted, all these efforts put for one simple hope hanged by a piece of thread that wears out as time goes by.

i cant stop wondering what remains after the earthly beauty subsides for a girl and for the relationship. m i still loved if i strip off my makeup or even if im disfigured, will i be half the person i was? i asked the question and had answer but i was too shallow to realise how significant the answer was and how dear was that person to my trivial life. although this might not link directly, i decided to go makeupless, for look changes every sigle day, beauty or otherwise dont last. without the touch of glitter, like me not for who i am and how i look exactly.

please accept the truth that we grow old, and along grows our knowledge as well.


20100802

愛與快樂之神


多巴胺,主宰愛與快樂,我想尊它為神。從前認為以化學之名命名愛,很不浪漫,而今,我只希望愛神多巴胺多多眷顧、常常臨幸,令我遠離苦厄,甜笑滿臉如夏夜昨晚。

在飄盪著 disco 2000 的夜風中小跑了一會,不太累,不想太累,不繞圈跑就慢慢切入草地中心,然後躺下,看看四面燈火高樓環抱的星空,草地卻是難得的幽暗,Sæglópur 襯托下的旺角夜空其實也很美,便想到家中等待的人,很想與她飯後再來吹風吹水,就快快回去做飯。起來時人己涼,也不渴,回去前還是想到水機喝點水再走。兩部機,三個小孩,高的二人在左邊喝,右邊小的嚷讓著喝不到,我替他按著著他喝,小孩楞著有兩秒鐘才開得口說「我不夠高呀。」我說你不夠高呀怎麼辦?那我抱你吧,就抱起了孩子。懷中的小孩,比想像中輕又軟,著他用力按制,他用力按;問他可喝得到,他點頭;問他夠了沒,他點點頭,我把他放下,高的己經在我身旁,對小的說那快跟姐姐說謝謝啦,我心裏真是快樂滿瀉,歲月神偷嗎?竟有如此有禮小孩,我附和著對呀快說謝謝姐姐啦,小的扭膩,一時說不上來,我勾著他袖邊又著他一次,他以極靦覥的笑容謝謝姐姐了,又是一陣甜膩爆發,真的很可愛呀。再見了孩子,我也謝謝你們,因為你們簡簡單單就為我無痛無悔地,帶來了很大劑量的多巴胺的一個晚上。