i (kinda) love myself

have u ever wanted to eat just for later throwing it back up? have u ever wonder ur ideal weight should be 65lbs? have u ever fallen into cycles of binge/purge so much that u became an expert of throwing up and made a homepage to show people ur tips and tricks of how to make throw up easier than ever? have u ever hated urself so much that u rather cut urself good just for a second of silence?

that isnt me.

i realize i love myself more than i thought after i know what some people do to themselves for reasons painful to understand.

the core

the soil's contaminated, anything grows on it destined to be poisoned, dead or mutates to adapt, to become monsters as if u can see the invisible writhing of it all. to put it out of its misery, let's burn it all down.

tumbling down

tumbling down

dont know when will we meet again

tumbling down

tumbling down

dont know when will we meet again

哪吒

生日過得多，今年還是頭一次自動選擇同爸媽過。人大了，理想沒有實現，對社會也沒貢獻，漸漸不知道生日為甚麼要慶祝。如果真有人為這個日子開心過，那個應該是我爸媽，再者這些年來辛辛苦苦生我育我，而我一心只想搗亂，要慶祝應該都是為他們，不是為我。我想就算所有人都離棄我，最後還愛我的都會是他們。

又想起那句話：成長多麼激烈。誰沒有年青過？迷茫過？人越大越能體會，就能體諒。回頭一看，再激烈的恨都沉澱了，剩下清澈的愛。我沒資格說原諒，不如說聲謝謝。

my happy ending

the day wdnt have to be started at 6 if there hdnt a portion to spare for sleeping. i long for watching sunrise but not for this day. the halo of dawn, the morning sea breeze and the haze make the morning more than beautiful already when time flies by, i wake u up before 8 and u murmur as usual for another 15 min sleep, alright, i give u... 1 more second. wake up!!! we go along the shore and than go up hill, talking every big issue to little things even silly things in life when we're part of the green misty mother nature. we head home to my parents' after lunch. they are happy to see us and let us in so as the four doggies, try to wag their tails off, jumping and dashing sort of things. the elderlies say im a silly girl. it's time to say good-bye when the doggies' shadows grow long. mama, papa, im sorry to be a bad daughter. it's ok as long as u're happy. good-bye, little girl. i go to the Peak and look at the magnificent night view of the city one last time, realize this is a view so enchanting i cd look at on and on. one last kiss, thanks for accompanying me in this last journey. and good-bye.

在晴朗的一天打掃

今天看完 the hours 便開始打掃，如是例行打２萬次噴嚏，然後便換好床單被袋枕袋，掃好地洗好碗拖好地，再掃了拖地後還清不了的毛和塵，回望一下屋子，雖因要外出不能把傢具還原其位置，但總算窗明几淨，很好。

每每到了這種時候我便會想，屋子己經打掃好了，這就可以出去，然後死掉，很好。

如果那天晴朗，屋子又整潔，可以那樣死掉的話真是太好。

07042007